Identifying psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists....

The psychopath, sociopath, and narcissist tend to make very good first impressions on others. They are excellent actors and can fool almost anybody, even trained individuals. However, they have counterfeit hearts. Underneath their brilliant exterior lies a man/woman that is self-centered, dishonest, irresponsible, and lacking emotions, remorse, and a conscience. These people live with a false sense of grandiosity and specialness and are easily found to be arrogant and deceitful. Underneath the fake exterior is an empty fraud who is lacking a human soul.

Psychopaths/sociopaths are plagued by emotional abnormalities, making them empty shells. They experience “shallow” feelings, which means that virtually all of their emotions are fleeting, if they have them at all. They seem to feel rage and envy in full force, which fuels aggressive behavior in many of them. However, any rages they display are surprisingly short-lived. 

Because of this defect, sociopaths are unable to truly connect with other people. They are unable to have true empathy for others, they are incapable of compassion, and they do not suffer, because they cannot relate to emotional pain. They live a life devoid of true pleasure, unable to enjoy a sunset or the company of an animal or another person. They only get temporary, meaningless thrills out of things like sex or food or deceiving and manipulating others. Most ominously, this emotional deficiency means that they are unable tolove. It also means that they must spend their entire lives watching others and learning to imitate behaviors that they are unable to engage in naturally; in this way, they become demented chameleons. 

Their emptiness also makes them chronically bored. The boredom is almost painful for them, and they will do anything to alleviate it. This contributes to their tendency to act impulsively and recklessly; for instance, it is very common for psychopaths to become addicted to alcohol, sex, and drugs. And ultimately, they will do anything and everything to get rid of their boredom because, having no conscience and no empathy, they do not care who gets hurt in the process. 

Psychopaths cannot change. Psychopathy is incurable and untreatable. They do not want help, because they believe themselves to be superior to “regular” human beings. You do not have to worry that they're a changed man or woman, because they're not. They may give off the illusion of “goodness” in order to maintain an image of normalcy, but like anything else with a psychopath, it's all manufactured. They are incapable of seeing other human beings as unique individuals deserving of love & kindness. All they see is pawns on a chess board. Someone who is capable of abusing you (with silence, gas-lighting, cheating, and pathological lying) is not also capable of suddenly being a decent human being because they found a better partner.

While most of us tend to think of a psychopath (or sociopath) as simply a deranged individual who can kill or maim without feeling any remorse or compassion, that’s an oversimplification of a very complex personality disorder. Such individuals/chameleons are often very charming  and seem very sweet to most people around them.  Sociopaths enjoy some positive symptoms (e.g. adaptability & ability to conceal dark traits). They appear normal and often talk a lot. They may seem to have a lot of genuine interests and seem to be very intelligent. While giving the impression of being reliable, it very quickly becomes obvious that they have no sense of responsibility whatsoever. No matter how often they have promised, or how important, they don't take responsibility. And when confronted about it their attitude or their decision making does not change either. The psychopath/sociopath will be unreliable in trivial and serious matters. It's impossible to determine when they will be reliable and when not. Untruthfulness is one of the more important sociopath symptoms because they show such a remarkable disregard for truth that you cannot trust what they say happened, what they promise will happen or what they say their intentions are now. Another one of the very common sociopath symptoms is that the sociopath does not accept blame for his problems or problems he/she causes to others. The typical response is to blame everybody else and put himself in the role of victim.

Female sociopaths have lack of empathy and other cognitive deficits which prevent experiencing "real" feelings. They are cold in a very deep sense of this word. So they need to "play love" which is in reality they are unable to experience. But "technically" they can be extremely seductive as they are masters of imitation, perfect actresses, who have intuitive understanding of their "craft". For a female psychopath, the consequences of her behavior are always somebody else’s problem, not hers. She is never to blame for anything...Because she’s out to control, she manipulates and punishes at will. She is the witness, the judge, the lawyer, the jury, the executioner - but never the accused... She will break the rules without a second thought, if the end justifies the means." Since childhood the female sociopath may have developed complex and often subconscious methods to deceive her targets. On the surface she appears excessively friendly and charming. She is self-centered, opinionated and over-confident, and expects to be pampered and treated as superior. She is meticulously turned out, expertly masking her inner personality cracks with flawless make-up, perfect hair and an extensive wardrobe, often paid for by past partners. She may have learned to cover up who she really is by appearing confident and self-assured. Yet underneath this confident and highly manicured exterior may lie an insecure, inadequate and ultra-needy woman. This woman must get what she desires at all costs and must always be right. Sometimes she will deliberately claim to misunderstand something to justify doing what she wants, even though she knows it is against your wishes. She may cause problems just to attract attention to herself, because she likes to feel important. She slowly forgives and holds grudges too. Her revenge and retribution can be savage and harsh. Surprise is her weapon. Expect the worst, then double it.

Those who can see their true colors are often the closest relatives and/or partners or husbands/wives. Actual psychopathy requires the coexistence of several key indicators. Here are some important ones to watch for:

·      Insincerity, coupled with superficial charm & being sexy.

·      An inflated sense of self-worth, egocentric, self-centered.

·      Lies habitually and frequently.

·      Manipulative and sneaky. He or she might say that they are sorry if they hurt you (scream at you, cheat on you…etc.) and promise that it will never happen again, but their apology is more manipulative than sincere. They often don’t actually feel guilty about what they have done, only that they were caught.

·      Remorseless. Can easily rationalize wrongdoings. If your partner has trouble  keeping a job, it is always the boss or the co-workers who are out to get him/her.  Likewise, a history of failed relationships is never the sociopath’s fault but the  unhappy consequence of getting involved with the ‘wrong’ people. It is always  someone else’s fault. A cold-blooded snake.

·      Shows little in the way of emotion or feelings.

·      Fake emotions, and they are heartless.

·      Callousness, lacks empathy/sympathy and compassion.

·      Failure to accept responsibility for their own action(s).

·      Easily bored. Needs constant stimulation.

·      Takes advantage of the goodwill of others.

·      Lack of realistic long-term goals.

·      Impulsiveness and cheating.

·      Behavioral problems earlier in life.

·      Poor behavior control, promiscuity and cruelty to people.

·      Irresponsibility. Talkative, always have an answer. 

·      Commitment issues, many short-term relationships or repeated marriages. For someone with a tendency to be violent and impulsive, having multiple marriages is normal. They do not feel any real hurt to themselves as a consequence of their actions in any relationship. They are immune to hurt. So they really have nothing to lose. They just pick themselves up, dust themselves off and move on to another relationship.

·      Projection of their own defects onto their partner(s).

·      You feel like you are living with dr. Jekyll and mr. Hyde. It seems like your partner is two completely different people. One day, she/he is caring and loving and wonderful, and the next she/he is hateful and raging and mean.

·      Real chameleon: He or she acts one way when they are around you, but completely different around your parents, and completely different around their friends. In the beginning of a relationship they might seem like everything you ever wanted. They change to fit whatever group they are in. Moreover, he or she might be mean or cruel or disinterested in children and animals, or people who are of no use to him/her.

·      Makes an audible noise when walking around, such as humming, whistling, singing, making duck-noises or clicking fingers.

·      Makes forced loud laughter - belly laugh.

·      Your partner cycles from mean and vicious to sweet and loving, then back again. Over and over. Up and down. Back and forth. Each time he hurts you, she/he apologizes and promises that it will never happen again or that he will change. You want to believe that this is possible, but the cycle keeps repeating. 

·      May make or be seen to make token acts of kindness, for example donations to charity. However these acts are not sincere and are intended just to reinforce the psycho's pretence of being a good person or as some form of manipulation.

·      He or she feels entitled to act the way that they do. For example if they do something nice for you, they feel entitled to a reward, and if you don’t do what they want, they are entitled to punish you.

·      You’re not always sure what the problem is, but things never add up. Nothing seems right. You never feel like you know the whole story. You don’t understand what went wrong, or why your partner acts the way they do or what you can do to make things better. If you follow what they say, things still don’t get better. If he or she does something that is clearly wrong, they will find a way to turn it back around on you. If you catch them lying, they change their story.

·      May lecture you endlessly until you agree. 

·      Has a beaming, charismatic and even messianic smile. 

·      Lacks any kind of personal depth. They act as if they are the smartest, hottest, richest or most successful person and everyone knows it. They will even tell you this if they get the chance.

Psychopaths exploit vulnerabilities and dreams in order to fool others, and then gleefully declare victory when their target is left broken & devastated. By manufacturing and controlling every aspect of the game, they assure themselves that they are always “winning”, but in reality, these games are merely a distraction from their life-consuming jealousy and boredom. Without souls of their own, they feel compelled to destroy the souls of other people. This gives them a temporary sense of superiority, oblivious to the fact that truly happy individuals do not need to harm others in order to feel good about themselves. Psychopaths will always get what they want from the game, because they've orchestrated it from beginning to end. But just because a person gets what they want certainly does not make them a winner.